periphery losses

​One of the hardest aspects of grief is the collateral damage of a significant loss. In addition to the person who died, some people lose cursory relationships such as mutual friends of your loved one, couple friends that don’t know how to move on with only you and not your spouse, the widow of the parent you lost, or even whole groups of, what I call, “club friends”.  These may be acquaintances that you run into frequently simply because you have children in the same grade or always talk to before church. Club friends often have no idea how to include you or check on you while you're still sad. That’s ok, though shallow and often unhelpful in any real sense. These periphery losses can affect the way you grieve and whether the process is overall healthy. While this is simply a reflection of personal observations, it acknowledges the non-linear messiness of grief. This is not a way to stoke the embers of grief to keep it alive, as if to wallow in the pain and define oneself by sadness. It’s an acknowledgment; a virtual nod of real experience, a lingering look, and a decided exhale before stepping on down the path, a warm glow of sunset on the back.